Obscenity Free Since '83

#%@!

$&%#*@!!

*%^#@*&!!!

@%@^$*#@&!!!!!!!!!


Do you have any idea what I just said? Neither do I. Yet right at this moment there are probably at least 7 to 8 obscene words running through your mind as a result of seeing the above combination of symbols. What a way to start the day.

Case in point. I'm watching a decent and suprisingly 'ok' movie, (The Holiday, starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Jack Black) and am struggling to figure out why on earth it's rated PG-13. There's no nudity, no illicit drug use, no violence, nada. About two-thirds of the way through the movie, when I'm just starting to get comfortable with this interesting yet hard-to-believe notion, BOOM!, Jack Black drops the F-Bomb in a completely unecessary and inappropriate spot in the script. Up until this point he's been sweet, funny, and caring, just about sweeping Kate Winslet's character off her feet. One single awkward colorful methaphor later, the whole mood of the movie seems to change, whilst I try to perform mind-control on Kate so she'll box Jack's ears and send him straight out the door. But all she says is "Yeah." Period. All of a sudden I'm having the urge to check my email or let the dogs out. What a waste of a good movie!

The above movie can be added to the growing pile of 'good' movies with bad intentions. You know, the ones where producers are on the fence trying to decide if they want to chance it with a PG rating or 'kick it up a notch' to a PG-13 to entice a broader audience. Then the investors/film execs step in and bark the order to throw in something just obscene (and I must add awkward) enough to raise the MPAA's eyebrow and get the stricter stamp. As if the shock-value obsessed majority would scoff at something that was actually wholesome and flee the theaters in search of some Nip/Tuck reruns on Tivo.

The way the world looks at obscenity has changed over the decades. It used to be all about decency and obscenities, swear words, cuss words, bad words--call them what you will--were only used by the vagrants and the criminals, etc. Men would lose their front teeth over uttering unclean speech in front of a lady. Now it's all about freedom of speech and ooooh the abuse it's endured over the years. Now the tables have been turned and obscenity is part of the everyday conversation. It fills our school hallways and our ears at dinner, just to name a couple of intrustions. If you don't swear there's "something wrong with you". Peer pressure at its finest I say. When I'm talking to a coworker and I say "kick his butt" or "holy cow", they look at me funny and give me the expression like "it's ok, you can say #&$!, I ain't your moms". It's not about that though. When someone opens their dirty mouth, they are saying things that don't mean a thing. Sure, they put a so-called "emphasis" on what they're trying to say and it toughens up their language. But to me, as soon as someone utters an obscene word, it completely destroys my train of thought because the words are like glue, they stick in the worst way. There are much better ways to get your point across by like, you know, polishing up your grammar and actually speaking like a human being. Half of the time the people with the potty mouths don't have a clue what they're even saying. I was at work one day and a contractor comes in and starts talking to one of our staff about the party he went to over the weekend, and it was $&# this and !&*% that. Only thing was, he was actually chuckling and expressing what a good time he had. I had no idea he had a good time, because I was too busy trying to scrape the filthy language off of my sub-conscious. First of all it was unprofessional, and second of all I should have handed the guy a thesaurus and $500 for a castration so he could never procreate.

I remember when I was in 5th grade and every week a kid brought in a movie for the class to watch during free time. One week I wanted to bring in American Tale, and this other kid's parents had just gotten him Mrs. Doubtfire, and he wanted to bring it in. Of course, the teacher went with my movie because of the obvious difference in rating. However, I was the laughingstock, the sissy girl, the goody-two-shoes because I hadn't brought something the 'cool kids' would like; a movie with 'bad language'. Of course now they're playing Mrs. Doubtfire on the Disney Channel and ABC Family, so you can see where that went. As I look back on the psychological damage that kids at school inflicted on me for not conforming to the neanderthalic norm, I do not envy those in the school system today. What a load of garbage they have to put up with.

I understand that we have freeness of speech in this country and I appreciate that, it has enabled so many positive things, and the negative is to be expected. The media is constantly pushing the envelope on what can be aired and at what rating because they're just trying to get viewers, and hey, everyone's gotta eat. I get it, and I don't expect anyone to 100% understand what I've been trying to say here. My point is, obscene talk is starting to resemble cigarette smoke. When it's around you, you can't just get away from it, a little always gets into your system before you can walk away. Yeah, we all have our bad days, and we want to curse everything in sight. It's called Yoga, taking a deep breath, punching a pillow, taking a walk, counting to 10, anything but one of those words.